You can rest assured that the NATO forces will not bomb Belgrade over the Kosovo issue. Why? Because Belgrade has a branch of McDonald’s.

Some intriguing research by Maurice Ricci has shown that since June 1st 1967, when the first McDonald’s outside the USA opened (in Canada), no country with a McDonald’s has fought a war against another country with a McDonald’s. (Civil wars are another matter). So there was no McDonald’s in Hanoi when the Americans bombarded Vietnam. There were no McDonald’s in Tegucigalpa or San Salvador during the famous Central American "football match war": Honduras only got a McDonald’s in 1995. McDonald’s only came to giant-steak loving Argentina in 1986, too late for the Falklands War. War broke out between Peru and Ecuador in 1995: in 1996, McDonald’s opened a branch in Lima, and in 1997 in Quito.

Armenia and Azerbaijan fought a bitter territorial war: no McDonald’s in either country. So did Iran and Iraq for several years until 1988. Saddam Hussein had never heard of the hamburger and with no McDonald’s in Baghdad the Gulf War was inevitable.

On this basis, what does the future hold in store? Central Asia is a high risk area. So is all the African continent apart from Morocco, Egypt and South Africa. Just now there is talk of war between Turkey and Syria over the Kurds: Istanbul has had a McDonald’s since 1986, but alas there is not one in Damascus. On the other hand, the world has shivered unnecessarily since India and Pakistan began nuclear bomb tests; India has had a McDonald’s since 1996 and – Deo gratias - Karachi received once as recently as September 19th., 1998.

Sociologists will argue until the cows come home (ouch!) about whether the famous burger and attendant carton of chips has actually contributed to world peace. Does the satisfaction of munching one’s way through the dreaded bun with oozing ketchup actually take away ones warlike desires? Or does canny McDonald’s only arrive when there is no danger of some errant missile blasting their operations into the sky? In fact, the nearest thing to warfare over the opening of a McDonald’s was in Rome, where it was feared that the noxious fumes of the burgers would impregnate expensive Armani clothing in the store next door.